Maybe life was better before the advent of photography.

The only thing scarier than the future is the past. I deeply envy anyone fortunate enough to have been a cute child or have surpassed the awkward, pre-pubescent stage. When I look at old photos, they beg the question*; how could I honestly have allowed myself to look that disgusting? While I can admit to myself that I'll never be pretty, I do know that there are measures I can take to be less reminiscent of a baboon crossed with a vulture crossed with a hippopotamus. Sadly, in the photos that I seem to have of me up until like two years ago, I seem to have done nothing to quell my unfortunate appearance.

My life through photos tells a story of a child probably stolen from the monkey enclosure at the zoo, whose face has evidently been smacked with heavy objects one too many times. While I will spare you the torture of laying eyes on my ghastly countenance, I will briefly continue what will inevitably turn into an angry rant.

Babies all look the same, so there is nothing wrong my my baby photos per se. Unfortunately, all babies are ugly, so of course they are the standard, possessed looking photos with weird red eyes. Moving into childhood, it is evident that I lacked style even then. Plus I was hideous, which always helps. And just when I thought it couldn't get worse...BOOM, there's the awkward stage! You would think that there would be ten or so years in between early childhood photos and awkward stage, but fortunately I did not own a camera in this time, so have no record of it.

I can't believe I ever went out in public looking like how I did. Why did I not make the discoveries of hair dye and make-up a bit earlier on? Given, I discovered cosmetics at like eight years old, but disgusting auburn hair dye and Target eyeshadow did not help- in fact, I am inclined to believe that they worsened the problem. The only thing worse than a chubby, ugly ten year old, is a chubby, ugly ten year old ranga. Not only was I cosmetically deficient, I also inherently lacked style- although perhaps "lacked" should not be in the past tense, given that I generally adorn my stocky frame with Adidas trackies and boring tops, which I hate but seem to have nothing better to wear.

Yes, the past was a scary time for me, particularly whenever I encountered a mirror. However, this is not a good sign for the future. I probably thought I looked good back then! Well, maybe until I got glasses to compensate for my severe myopia, in any case. The point is, I didn't know any better. The problem I have now is, what if in the future I look back and reel in disgust? While I don't delude myself with notions of looking good, and know that I still look like a baboon-vulture-hippopotamus, I have done everything within my power (short of cosmetic surgery) to rectify the situation. But what if there is something so glaringly obviously deficient about my appearance, that is easily fixable, that I will be horrified about in the future? What if I need a better hair cut or colour, or new wardrobe, and just haven't discovered it yet?

Oh, the moral dilemmas I face**. It's treacherous.

* This is improper usage of the expression "begs the question". However I can't think of the right phrase to use, and this one fits if only for what is is commonly believed to mean, not for it's actually reading. If this issue is troubling you as it troubles me, visit http://begthequestion.info/

** Get it? It's a pun. You know... face. Since I have been discussing faces.