Monday, June 22, 2009

Time Management, and other things that are irrelevant to performance.

As any nerd will know, much emphasis is placed on useless abstractions such as time management and a positive attitude and occupational health and safety- people will tell you how it is important to be organised and perseverent and optimistic and adhere to a whole lot of useless ideals. It doesn't take a genius to realise that those who attempt to browbeat these relics of last century upon us are full of... egesta. While this plethora of fluffy invention is useful to some extent, it's very shortsighted to focus on process rather than end result. Here are some actual useful tips regarding positive attitudes, internet safety and other things that should be common sense.

Time management
While it is important to plan out what you are doing, if you are spending an hour making yourself a schedule, you're missing the point. Time management is more a case of making sure that you don't leave everything to the last minute- estimate how long it will take you to do something, and keep it in mind until you have to have it completed by. Easy.

Positive Thinking
Far too much emphasis is placed on the power of positive thinking. While it keeps you placated, it doesn't DO anything. In fact it can be disadvantageous- people who think positively all the time usually don't know what to do if something goes wrong, because they didn't consider the possibility of it! Telling yourself that, for example, you will do well on an examination may assist you in that you are less stressed, but when you are sitting with a pencil poised in your hand and a vacuous mind, positive thinking will not help you. EFFORT is what makes people achieve, not optimism.

Teamwork
Cooperation and teamwork is, for the most part, not productive and is glorified way too much. The only reason anyone likes teamwork is because they can pass off their work onto other people, rather than actually do anything. Productive people generally do not like teamwork, because nobody likes to compromise, and there are few things more annoying than trying to work with someone who wants to do as little as possible.

Occupational Health and Safety
OH&S training permeates society, creating a deluge of useless jobs and hours wasted trying to train anyone who'll listen. While it is important to make sure that there isn't a puddle of water on the floor, or exposed electrical cables, anyone who needs to sit through four hours of training to know what should be common sense, deserves to die of something stupid like a heavy object falling on them.

Cyber Safety
Probably the only thing stupider than the word "cyber" is the concept of cyber safety. Anyone who is gullible enough to email someone their bank account details, or give their name, address, phone number and pets' birthdays to some random, deserves whatever befalls them.

Confidence
Confidence never helped anyone. In fact, people with no confidence are easier to manipulate. Making everyone cower in corners is the best way to control people and make sure that nobody breaks the law.

Emotions
Why would you cry or laugh when you can learn facts all day? Everything should be based on hard evidence. No feelings allowed.

Healthy Eating
Who needs fruit and vegetables when there is instant coffee. Fact: There is a 100% mortality rate for people who eat healthily.

Animal Cruelty
What have the animals ever done for us? If an endangered leopard is not being useful to me by being made into a fur coat or my dinner, then it deserves whatever it gets.

I think my original point may have gotten a little clouded along the way, but you get the idea. Basically, everyone should work hard all day in solitary confinement, on a diet of instant coffee. The end.

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