50 Anonymous Messages.

Right now, I am sitting at home, being boring. While those two things are what I do best, I am currently somewhat frustrated at the fact because everyone else is out partying. Even the old people- seriously, I just came back from my best friend/clone's mum's birthday where there was a preponderance of old people, all dancing in their frail, ascetic way.
Usually when I am annoyed about something this frothy, I bitch about it, frequently about things that are nothing to do with whatever it is I'm incensed about. Sadly I can't, because of course being a nerd the majority of my correspondence happens on msn, and the only people online right now are probably too busy studying or whatever. So instead I bring to you, my invisible audience, a list of fifty things that I wish to say to 50 certain people, but have always been too much of a pussy to. It can be like a game, you can try to find yourself on the list!

1. Step away from the hairspray and take a make-up wipe.
2. Your art looks like baby vomit. You should give up.
3. You are quite annoying and I feel sorry for myself for being related to you.
4. I have no reason to hate you, but I do anyway. You're probably nice and funny and whatnot, but your face really annoys me.
5. Your shoes are disgusting and make my eyeballs vomit.
6. Stop doing stupid MySpace bulletin quizzes. Your answers are boring. Nobody cares.
7. You're so lazy. If you commit yourself to something, you should follow through with it.
8. There's a reason I never went out with you, and yes, you were right when you guessed it. Lose some weight and toughen up.
9. You spend so much time trying to be cool, it's sad. Maybe I'm just not cool enough to appreciate you.
10. It's your own fault that you ruined your life, stop whinging about it.
11. I lied. I did block you on msn. For a very long time. Sorry.
12. Guilt tripping others for your own mistakes only reflects badly on you.
13. How can you judge others for not being exactly like you, when you are actually quite weird?
14. You probably think that you are so cool for subverting authority, but you're only hurting yourself and your future (or lack of).
15. You expect too much, and you're not going to get it.
16. How can you think you're attractive? You're an orange faced fat hairy skank.
17. You act like you're from a farm. Please go back there.
18. You are the single most annoying person alive, and you would get along really well with number three.
19. Be realistic. The world isn't going to hand you opportunities, so stop expecting it to.
20. For the sake of your dignity, take down some of those photos. They're all the same.
21. The day you stopped texting me so much was one of the happiest days of my life.
22. Yes, you're gorgeous, but you don't have to rub it in so much, expecially to the more unfortunate looking.
23. You should try eating sometime. That's not normal.
24. No, I will not cyber with you, creep. However I did send the conversation round to others, if that's okay with you.
25. If your rash is that red and itchy, you should get it checked.
26. Why does everyone think you're so talented? You're good, but you're just not amazing.
27. You shouldn't let yourself be treated like that.
28. Your pregnancy is the most hysterical thing that's happened all year.
29. Your girlfriend is disgusting. Then again so are you... perfect match.
30. Do you find that having sweaty hands helps with fapping? (That would be one of the most satisfying things to say, ever.)
31. You're really pretty, but if I told you that you'd probably think I'm a Pervy Old Guy.
32. You two were a perfect couple. You were both ratty and pimply.
33. Just because it's not happening to you doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
34. Thanks for being such a great friend, even if I don't like you all that much.
35. You look like you've been smacked in the face with a shovel.
36. I want your life, because I don't know anything about it, but from here it looks like fun.
37. You look like a fish. Other than that there's probably not much wrong with you, but I'd rather not find out.
38. You are so lucky, and you probably don't even know it.
39. Your sob life story is actually really funny.
40. Your haircut looks like a pumpkin.
41. Go back to your own country, potato farmer.
42. I knew it was you when you prank called me. I only talked to you for so long to drain your credit.
43. The most you will ever do with your life is OD and die. Why bother.
44. I thought that you said what you did because you were being nice and trying to protect me, when in fact you were just pushing your own agenda.
45. I hope the next time you get blind drunk, you walk in front of a car. If you haven't already.
46. You look like the girl in the old Impulse ads, but better. Yet there's something very strange about you that nobody has been able to delineate.
47. I hate you because of MySpace. Get a life and stop posting whingey bulletins and status updates. And if that wasn't enough, you also infiltrate Facebook.
48. You laugh at me because I study when I get home, but you don't find it at all odd that you literally do nothing every evening.
49. It's a shame you're fat, because your brain is really attractive.
50. It's taken me years to realise that I actually do like you. You're a great friend and fun to be around, I'm sorry for letting competition get in the way of a friendship.

That was surprisingly easy to compile. I could probably keep going for days. It's actually kind of worrying.

Now that my rant is over, I can go back to doing what a nerd does best: study on an otherwise perfectly good Saturday night.