Can you tell that I've only had four lessons?

Driving: it's one of those things that most people seem to be able to do. So, having a total of three hours behind the wheel (in lessons), I spend half an hour convincing my extremely reluctant mother that I am good enough to go driving with her. In her car.

It started out well enough- I stalled about ten times, before even going anywhere. For some reason, no matter how much I pressed the accelerator, the car just wouldn't move- although it did make some very impressive sounds. After five minutes of me yelling at the car for it not doing what I wanted it to, my mother offered me some very helpful advice:
"You have the handbrake on."

As soon as I rectified the problem, of course, the car shot off. I noticed that my supervising driver was likely in the early stages of a heart attack, so I slowed down and the car crawled along at a snail's pace until the end of my street. Being able to drive all the way up my street sounds impressive, by my standards at least, but you have to consider that that entails only four houses.

Much to my despair, at the end of my street there is a roundabout. I began to turn the wheel, but realised that I was headed for the roundabout itself, so exclaimed, "help me!"
My mum then attempted to help me, but we both turned the wheel the same way at the same time. This cumulative effect ensued the car somehow ending up on the nature strip. Not even the entire car- just the passenger side wheels, leaving the car tilted at what seems to be a very harsh angle when one is in the car. My immediate reaction was to brake harshly and put on the hazard lights, not that that compelled any nearby cars or people to stop and help me.

You would think that it would be the job of the supervising driver to get the car safely down, but unfortunately, she couldn't. She speculated that she would probably be able to by driving it forwards, but there was a street tree in the way (luckily I had braked before hitting the tree in question).

On the upside, since I had not managed to get very far, I was able to go frantically ask my neighbour to help me. Also on the upside, he was wearing very little clothing when he opened the door. While he agreed to help me, unfortunately he insisted on getting dressed first. And he didn't seem too confident about driving a manual car, let alone one stuck on the nature strip, but insisted that it would be fine. It was only when he saw that I hadn't been exaggerating that he began to hesitate.

Luckily, one of the many cars that had swerved past my unintentional parking job decided to stop. The driver drove an automatic, but seemed more confident than my now fully-clothed neighbour. He got behind the wheel, and after some painful crunching sounds had emulated from the car, he removed the handbrake and managed to successfully manouvre the L-plate adorned vehicle from the nature strip. Five or so other cars didn't fit down the road in this time, so they all got to watch.

I don't think I'll be doing much driving anytime soon.

Five things that are making me incredibly angry right now.

1. I can't find my chocolate.
It was right here a few days ago, I swear. I haven't accidentally eaten it, so I must have misplaced it. At least it won't go off any time soon like that banana I lost a few weeks ago and am still waiting to find.

2. People yelling things out of car windows.
Does it make you any happier to lean out of your window, scream at me that I'm a bimbo, and drive off without even giving me the chance to flip you off? Because it certainly doesn't make me any happier. In fact it makes me incredibly ANGRY.

3. Having an infinitesimally small amount of phone credit.
How did this happen? When did this happen? Why must my provider keep sending me messages to remind me? Either leave me alone or give me more credit.

4. People not answering my phone calls.
Maybe this is how number three happened. In that case, it is a matter of time before I run out of credit completely, so pick your phone up when I call. I don't care what you're doing. I don't care if you're dying or suffering a horrific personal crisis. I want to talk to you, and you should somehow know exactly when I am going to call you, so be prepared and pick up your fucking phone, thanks.

5. People who over-dramatise things.
How many times do I have to repeat, it's only okay when I do it! While I am allowed to have a bitch about petty things, YOU are not. So you had a bad day, or did badly on a test, or whatever, it's NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. Stop putting it out in the public domain that you hate your life, and you want to kill yourself, because NOBODY CARES. SUCK IT UP.

Fedora Hats: They were bad enough the first time they were in fashion.

Why would anyone ever stick one of these things on their head? Fedoras do not make you look cool, bohemian or trendy. They make you look like a douche who cannot differentiate between good fashions (like sequins and nerd glasses) and a straw sack, and buys anything if it is featured in Girlfriend Magazine.

Here's another tip- if you wear one of these said hats with Ray Bans- or worse, fake Ray Bans- you look even stupider. Take them the fuck off and grow your own style, rather than adorning yourself with pseudo-alternative crap.

This is why 13-year-olds shouldn't have boyfriends.

If you break up and get back together with your significant other every week, then chances are, you AREN'T IN LOVE AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP SUCKS. If you have broken up fifty times, there's probably a reason for it- you're not right for each other. So then don't get back together for a a fifty-first time. The worst part is, once you do get back together, you will be sickeningly, slobberingly, publicly in love with each other and let the entire world know how much your life revolves around each other... until your next fight! Having said that, every fight is "really the end" of your relationship. "This one" is always different and bigger in some way, so now your life is over, and then you'll want everyone's sympathy. That is, until you start sticking your tongues down each others throats again!

Get the fuck over it, and get the fuck over yourselves. You are stupid. But that's okay because YOU'RE IN LOVE- which is probably really just a cover for your FANTASTIC SEX that you feel the need to tell the world about, that nobody wants to know about. I REALLY HOPE YOU ARE USING PROTECTION BECAUSE THE LAST THING THE WORLD NEEDS, IS MORE OF YOU!!!

P.S. Britney Spears was AMAZING! Anyone who walked out and badmouthed her in the press probably just wanted the attention, because there's no other explanation.

Britney haters can suck me.

Tonight I'm going to see the amazing Britney Spears in concert. Naturally I am ecstatic- I absolutely idolise Britney! So of course, I tend to bring up the fact that I am going to see the object of my admiration, a lot. This has lead to my discovery of the unfortunate fact that there is an abundance of Britney haters. The worst bit is, most of them of no reason to hate her at all!

The main argument purported is that she "can't sing". But, the people who claim this as their reason for hating her don't even listen to her music and hardly know what she sounds like! She would not have been world famous at such a precocious age if she couldn't sing. Of course she can fucking sing. Stop trying to ruin her for everyone else, and go listen to your stupid alternative music.

If a Britney hater doesn't play the "she can't sing" card, then they are inevitably going to accuse her of being a slut. Which is fair enough, because if you have no reason to hate a particular female but you do anyway, you can call her a slut- the generic insult that seems to pertain to everyone, and is COMPLETELY UNFOUNDED.

And what is with everyone saying her concert is really bad without having seen it? She has received reviews saying that she is both brilliant and awful- I'll find out which one tonight. Yes she does lip-synch, but what do you expect if she is dancing around the stage at the same time? I'm not going so that I can hear what she sounds like- if I wanted to hear her, I'd stay at home and listen to her CDs (which is what I'm doing right now actually). The point is to see her perform and entertain. Furthermore, it is well-known that she lip-synchs, so you can't go to her concert and expect the vocals to be live.

It really pisses me off that people have laughed at me and told me I shouldn't go, because apparently she is bad. What about the people who have actually seen her who said she is amazing? Does the majority count for nothing? Even if her show isn't that strong, I want to go regardless- I can spend my time and money how I want, and if what I want is to see Britney, then that is what I will do. I'm not going to forfeit MY ticket because YOU think that I should be effectuating responsibilities such as study at that time, which I think I deserve a fucking break from, and I am especially not going to forfeit my ticket because YOU don't have a fucking clue what she sounds like, but she's mainstream, so you automatically hate her!!!

LEAVE BRITNEY (and her fans) ALONE!