Another type of person I hate

We all know these girls. The ones who smoke, drink, spit, swear, typee with extraa lettttterssss, cake on make-up, dress like sluts, and looks like they're twelve years old. Maybe they are twelve years old, more often than not though, they're like fifteen year olds who just look young for their age. There's nothing wrong with looking young, that can't be helped, and it will be an asset in the event of a career in porn. But, there is something wrong with trying to overcompensate for your exaggerated youthfulness by trying to act like a fucked up teenager. Most of the girls that are like this would be stunning in an angelic kind of way if they wiped off their heavy eyeliner and stopped wearing horizontal black and white striped socks.
You're not hardcore, make peace with the way you look and stop trying to break out of your own image, because in doing so you're creating a sterotype for yourself.

Making a point about fingernails.

The Nice Nails Decree (to be implemented when I become Dictator of the Universe):

All humans are to have consistently well-groomed fingernails if they are to leave their house.

Females:
1. Must have either i) painted nails, or ii) fake french manicure nails. Real nails which have been subjected to a french manicuring process are not permitted. No chipping of the colour is allowed to be evident for more than one day, and it should be rectified at the soonest possible opportunity.
2. Nails must be cultivated to a length of at least to the end of the fingertip. Preferably, nails are to be approximately two centimeters long. Nails whose length exceeds three centimetres are to be clipped.
3. The length of all ten fingernails should all be within two millimetres of each other. Exemptions may be granted if one breakage occurs in a set of ten impressive nails, or if a nail breaks below the nail bed.
4. All nails must be painted i) the same colour; or ii) in alternating colours, provided there is some symmetry.
5. Only those who have nails of at least two centimetres may have patterned nails. Only animal prints are acceptable as patterns.
6. If these conditions cannot be met due to conditions such as nail biting, gloves should be worn.

Males:
1. Must have either nails that are bereft of nail polish, or painted black. Black nails may only be permitted in combination with the wearing of black eyeliner.
2. Nails are to be clipped at the end of the fingertip.
3. Bitten nails entails that the male's right to reproduce be revoked until nice nails are cultivated.
4. Any dirt underneath the fingernails will result in removal by pressure hose by the fashion police upon detainment.

But seriously, everyone should have nice nails, it's really not that difficult, and it looks very annoying when people have gross nails.

The fastest way to send me insane.

Few things piss me off more than people who can't read. That may sound very ignorant, but I don't mean that in the context of people who have not had the opportunity to be educated, or have a disability which compromises their physical ability to read. By 'people who can't read', I actually mean people who can read, but do so at a painfully slow rate, out loud, mangling every word and disjointing sentences as they progressively murder each syllable. I am specifically referring to an English class that I endured today, in which there was much reading aloud. For some reason, those who cannot read fluently seem to agree to read aloud. Not only does this take forever, it also detracts from the meaning as each sound emanating from the reader is more reminiscent of a malfunctioning machine than of carefully written prose. Please stop murdering my language- if you can't read properly, then don't try! And by 'don't try', I don't mean that you shouldn't try, I mean that you should continue to try to learn to read; but not aloud, and out of my earshot, thanks.

Balloons

I have to admit, I love it when skinny people get fat. Sure it is bad to laugh at other people's misfortune, but... well I have no justification, I am a just bitch who revels in the suffering of others. The point is, it is hilarious to see someone slowly inflate; or better yet, suddenly expand if you haven't seen them in a long time.
Like there's this girl, who used to laugh at me for being fat. She was skinny. Then her metabolism caught up with her eating habits and she got fat. Now she is fatter than me. Hahahahahaha suck on that you fat bitch.

On a side note, think of the worst possible place you can get burnt. That is the location of a burn I am currently enduring. FML, seriously.

And another thing,

Why are so many vegetarians fat? Serves them right for turning their noses up at delicious animal carcasses, but seriously, they should be skinny.

Frustrated.

People piss me off so much. People who haven't even done anything. People who I hardly know. People who I pass in the street, who I may have passed a thousand times before but they have left such an impression on me that I wouldn't know. I'm actually so annoyed right now, and it's about practically nothing. It wasn't even a proper facebook fight, tempted as I may be to turn it into one. Instead I'm airing out my anger here, where nobody will read it, least of all the fat piggy bitch who this is about. Yeah you, you jealous tub of lard. Everything you do, everything I know about you, every time I look at you; frustration tears through me. You should just stop existing, thanks.

Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you


Yeah that's all.
I was going to put this in pink writing but you don't deserve pink, so I changed it to orange.

A thought

You probably think that you are soooo cool and alternative. I probably think you can suck my dick.

Oh my god, it's my worst nightmare.

I think I'm actually kind of feminist.

I hate people whose eyes point in two different directions. I know they can't help it, but I can't help being repulsed by it. There is nothing worse than someone whose eyes point opposite ways. A little deviation isn't so bad, but if you find one eye looking forward and the other looking up, you have problems. Turn your eyeball around, for the love of god. Superglue it straight, or attach cables to it so you can control which way it swivels, whatever, just fix it for the sake of humanity.

Never thought I'd say this but I can't wait to get the fuck out of Melbourne. But it will be a fair few years at least before that will happen. Fuck you fashion capital, and fuck the people who live in you. One day, I will dump you for Sydney.

Procrastinating.

I'm pretty much the funniest person in the world, I've decided. I was reading through some of my old blogs, having neglected this thing for awhile, and they're so damn funny. Somebody should pay me for being so entertaining. But I suppose that's what the government does with youth allowance, they give me money so I don't have to work, and then I can spend that time being utterly hilarious. Aren't you glad you're a taxpayer!

I'm not so insightful lately, and am generally too precoccupied with other things to concentrate on being fantastically funny. Instead, I leave you with my most recent complaints, which actually are incredibly treachereous and not funny at all.

Being me is so difficult. I want longer nails, and they fucking won't grow. Well they do, but very slowly. And today I broke a nail, I don't even know how it happened, but now I have to grow it all over again.
I also want longer hair. Why is it that it never seems to get any longer, but it always has regrowth! Life sucks.

62 calories of amazing.

Dear You'll Love Coles Lite Shredded Mozzarella Cheese,

I love you. You are just as mild and creamy as your packet so proudly proclaims. Your resealable package is amazing. You tell me that you are great used in Italian dishes, but you're quite dishy yourself. I will never forget your promise: "love it? otherwise return product to any store for a refund or replacement". But I could never replace you. I love you just as much as your brand predicted.

<3 Natasha

Dog

It seems wrong that I've only realised now that I should be angry at you. Sorry if it's a little too late.

I want to tell her that I'm sorry, but I don't even know her.

Mirror mirror, on the wall

I'm sick of

having to look at

ugly people.

I wish there were some new colours. I'm bored of the ones we have.

Ambition.

How can people be entertained or even enraptured when those who generally succeed experience failure? It's more upsetting than enthralling to see those who try their utmost to attain whatever it is that they're after, fall short of their goals.

Success is something that one must earn. For example, nerds have to put in endless hours of studying to achieve the grades that they do. Someone who has not put in a comparable time commitment has no right to resent the studious for getting better marks. Moreover, he or she should be considerate enough not to gloat when the nerd has not reaped the outcome they had strived for.

Telling someone who really wanted something and tried their utmost to get it to be happy with what they've got and to stop complaining, completely disregards not only their commitment and effort but also their ambition.

Just because you lack ambition, does not mean that other people have the same outlook as you. I am not ashamed to say that I am ambitious. Unfortunately I failed to attain something that I had aspired to get for years, which I will never have another chance at. Of course, that is really upsetting. Knowing that others are happy that I failed at getting the one thing which I wanted more than anything I have ever wanted (which is saying a lot, because I tend to want everything), serves only to shatter even more. Thanks dickhead, for understanding how much I wanted this, and for appreciating the amount of effort I had invested to improve my chances only to attain no end result.

Another thing that annoys me.

I hate it when people criticise my lifestyle. If I was doing something detrimental to my health like eating detergent, then it might be more acceptable to point out the error of my ways, but just because I don't have the exact same diet as whoever decides to criticise me, does not mean that I am sending myself to an early deathbed.

What pisses me off even more about the criticisms proffered by concerned individuals, is that the advice that they offer would eventuate in me having an even poorer diet. I hate when people suggest meals that I should make, on the assumption that my mother and I cannot be bothered cooking because it is just the two of us. Just to get a few things straight; no, we do not live on microwavable ready-made meals; no, we do not consume greasy takeaways on a regular basis; and, amazingly enough, we do actually have six serves of vegetables in a day.

So you can take your stupid porridge, and curried eggs, and cheese and tomato on toast; and shove it. My body would not benefit from adopting the same diet as you; moreover, I do not have any desire to alter my eating patterns. How I treat my body is my own decision, so stay the fuck out of it and don't try to change me.

Yet another social networking pet hate.

It's really annoying when people describe their physical appearance on their social networking profiles. I know it's a small thing to pick at, but it infuriates me! Why would someone do that in the first place?!?!?!

hiiiiii im natasha and ummmm dunno wat tooo rite haha lolz!!!!111!!!! i am 150cm tall and way 5548934094096 kilograms and have blonde hairrrrr and brown eyes ahahahaha lolz! hahahah lolz and thats a bit about meeeeee!!!!111!!!

Yes, that was very painful to write, in case you were wondering. It may be ever so slightly exaggerated! Unfortunately though, the facts remain: people do describe themselves by their physical appearance, which is stupid for several reasons. Firstly, if i wanted to know your hair and eye colours, I would look at your photos. Secondly, I don't want to know your hair and eye colours anyway- it has NO BEARING ON YOUR PERSONALITY! The only thing that describing your physical appearance does, is show me that you're a shallow dipshit who is so boring that they can't write anything about themselves other than "i have brown hair with a few highlights ahahahahaha lolz!!!!"

That's another thing that annoys me. Hair colour rivalry. "Brunettes are hotter", "blondes have more fun", etc. Hair colour does not differentiate those that are good looking and those that look like dog shit (which incidentally is brown). While the brunette camp may have celebrities such as Leighton Meester, you also have Susan Boyle, so you can fucking shut the fuck up about brunettes being better. Hotness isn't even about hair colour. It's mainly about body. You know what sucks? Being fat. You could put the hottest hair ever on a lump of blubber and it would still be a lump of blubber. Being a lump of blubber sucks.

You know what else sucks? Not being able to afford that dress. I should start a charity. Forget world hunger, I want to wear a pretty dress.

An open letter.

Dear God,

You have done some pretty damn amazing things, like making Paris Hilton and supplying the world with the raw materials to manufacture shoes. You have presided over the creation of so many people that by now, it stands to reason that you would get it right. In fact, you probably do in most cases- most people have some kind of redeeming quality; be that physically (there are many tall people around) or in the way of talent- lots of people can sing, for example.

Unfortunately, you really fucked up when you made me. Not only do I have the body of a blubbery penguin, the brain of a potato, with a face that looks like it has been run over by a 4WD with acid on its wheels; I also have no talent whatsoever! How could you do this to me?

So, god, you may be wondering why I am writing to you. After all, what's done is done and there's not much that can be done to fix me. I would like to know about your refund policy- is it too late to exchange myself for someone better? Or at least someone skinny? To be honest, I'll settle for pretty much anything, the only way you could possibly make me fatter and stupider is if you reincarnated me into a hippopotamus, and even that would not be without its benefits.

A swift reply to my pertinent enquiry would be much appreciated.

Regards,

Natasha

Got a spare $400?

I want this dress so bad. It is beautiful.

Why are some people just born skinny?

It's not fair. It's easy to say that being thin doesn't mean they're happy; but think of all the extra time they would have to spend being happy, which other people spend being fat and melancholy. They would never have to diet, or do gruelling amounts of sit-ups, or work to be noticed- they're just beautiful. That may well be farcical- no-one would get a model body from eating; but it just so happens that there are plenty of regular people walking around who are just thin, and didn't do anything to get that way other than be born to the right parents.

The worst bit it, no matter how much someone like me tries, I'll never be thin. I'm just not genetically predisposed to it. I know it seems like all fat people probably say that, then secretly binge on chocolate cake when nobody's watching, but I swear I try. The last time I checked, trying does not entail eating.